The first time my memory was really challenged was terrifying. Terrifying sounds a very dramatic way to describe not being able to remember something but the fact that I can still remember the event, the fear, feelings and emotions 12 years on is testimony to that terror. (The irony of these two sentences is not lost on me).
I was 42 and a few months post hysterectomy having lived with pretty severe symptoms of endometriosis for all my adult life. The hysterectomy was a huge relief. It was something I had wanted for many years to end the pain and suffering of endometriosis. I had recently returned to my role in HR at the BBC and a manager called me discussing the phone call that we’d had the day before. I had no clue what she was talking about but I managed to get through it without sounding like an idiot. I was so distressed by the event because my memory had always been phenomenal. I mean it was elephant like. I could remember the smallest of details, particularly in a work setting but suddenly I wasn’t able to rely on my memory. Worried that I might have early on set dementia, I made an appointment to see my GP. I was hoping there would be a magic fix and that she would be able to increase my HRT and make it all go away.
“Research studies find that women’s memory does in fact change at menopause, so these complaints are real – it’s not in your imagination. Brain fog is normal and common at midlife. These bothersome problems can affect your quality of life. However, they are usually quite mild and will improve post menopause.”
International Menopause Society Patient Information Leaflet – Brain Fog and Memory Difficulties in Menopause: What Is Menopausal Brain Fog?
She was very kind and listened to my concerns. I was distressed in the appointment and she took me seriously. She suggested she could refer me for an assessment which would have meant me being seen by the Older People’s Mental Health unit. After a little more discussion about what the assessment would involve we agreed that it probably wasn’t necessary, because I would undoubtedly pass the memory test being able to answer questions like who the current prime minister is and recalling items on a tray. I asked her about increasing my HRT dosage but she said I was already on the maximum dosage so she talked to me about managing stress. I wish I had been more educated to challenge this but education about menopause in GPs is still not great, and it was even less so 12 years ago. Whilst life was stressful, it often had been, I didn’t believe my memory troubles were down to stress. I came to accept that my memory wasn’t as good as it was. Not being able to rely on it so much I took to writing things down, making notes, keeping lists, actioning things straight away, rather than waiting a few hours in case I forgot.
For the next 8 years, I got by. I accepted that my previous super power was not so super these days but I managed until I reached about 50 when the real brain fog came.
“Menopause brain fog is a group of symptoms that happens around the time of the menopause, including difficulty remembering words and numbers, disruptions in daily life (misplacing items like keys), trouble concentrating (absent mindedness, losing a train of thought, being more easily distracted), difficulty switching between tasks, forgetting the reason for doing something (like why you came into a room), and forgetting appointments and events”
International Menopause Society Patient Information Leaflet – Brain Fog and Memory Difficulties in Menopause: What Is Menopausal Brain Fog?
Brain fog so dense that at times I couldn’t think of my name at times. Brain fog so dense it would last for weeks. It felt like my head was literally cotton wool. I couldn’t concentrate, focus or get clarity, no matter how much I tried. My mouth seemed on automatic pilot, I often would have no clue what word was coming next. If I tried to think about a specific word to use, it made it worse. Fighting it made me worse, it distressed me more. I was having to do more to keep my head above water. I had to plan for every business conversation. I’d dread the phone ringing because I wouldn’t know who was phoning or what they might want to speak about. I found myself wishing the working day away only feeling safe past 5pm when I didn’t have to pretend that I understood.
It got so bad I was on the brink of giving up work. I was only just in my 50s and felt that I was useless and incapable of running a business. I felt suicidal at times. My professional identity has always been hugely important to me and I was relegating myself to the scrap heap.
That led me to seek out the support of a private Menopause Consultant and with the help of Dr Katie Armstrong of Clinic 51, based in West Sussex, my HRT regime has been completely reviewed and after a bit of trial and error around medication and doses I now feel I can function properly. I’ve got my own coping mechanisms:
- Writing things down
- Sending myself countless emails as reminders to do things
- Filling my calendar with tasks as well as appointments
- Asking my husband to remind me to do something – he often doesn’t remember to remind me but the fact that I’ve verbalised it prompts me somehow
- I try to drink water – it helps me to focus
- I try to eat a balanced diet – when I don’t, I feel the cognitive effects
- I prioritise rest and sleep
- I recognise and honour my limitations and boundaries. I’m much more comfortable saying no to work, family and friends these days
- I accept my memory won’t be what it used to be
- I don’t dwell on those occasions when I struggle
I still forget my words. In fact just last week I was talking to a delegate on a training course I was running and I couldn’t think of the word I wanted to use. I know it began with C. I kept coming up with the word confident which I knew wasn’t right, although it wouldn’t have been out of context in the conversation. The word was actually competent. I kept on until I found it, explaining that I was struggling with my words today and making light of it. I doubt that person even noticed I was struggling.
If you find yourself struggling with menopause symptoms, I encourage you to keep a record of symptoms (you could use Balance Menopause Symptom Questionnaire) and seek support. Educate yourself (the British Medical Society has details of NICE guideline Diagnosis and Management of Menopause) and see your GP.
